A  kiss is  the  beginning  of cannibalism
June 28, 2026
Co-hosted by interrobang and Gonzo

(Screen fades from black revealing the final part of the "Jim Henson Productions" logo, this time, with the word "Presents" underneath as the blue firefly flies into place above the "I" in "Jim". The logo fades away, and the screen fades from black to reveal a crowd of Muppet humans standing at the entrance of the Muppet Theater as the opening music starts up.)

Gonzo (Voice-over): Welcome to "Muppet Classic Theater"!

(The title flies above the marquee as the camera zooms in on it)

Rizzo (Voice-over): Six timeless tales told as never before!

Gonzo (Voice-over): Cue the music!

(As the music kicks in, two sets of three story titles fade in under the movie's main title, "Muppet Classic Theater". The first set includes "The Three Little Pigs", "King Midas", and "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". The second set includes "Rumpelstiltskin", "The Emperor's New Clothes", and "The Elves and the Shoemaker". After the last note, the screen fades to reveal Gonzo and Rizzo entering from the left of the screen.)

Gonzo: Hello! I am Gonzo the Great.

Rizzo: And I am Rizzo the Rat.

Gonzo: Welcome to the Muppet Theater. Tonight, we bring you fables of old.

Rizzo: (Turns to Gonzo) Old what?

Gonzo: Old. Just old stories.

Rizzo: What? We couldn't afford new?

Gonzo: No! I mean, yes! Listen, these are old stories everybody knows and loves.

Rizzo: (Shakes his head) I don't know, seems like a scam. I mean, you buy a new tape, and you get old stories everybody's already heard?

Gonzo: Oh, will you be quiet? (Turns to the camera) Our first story is that great old classic, "The Three Little Pigs". Come on in!

(Rizzo chuckles and we cut to the penguin orchestra in front of the theater)

Background Muppet: Excuse me, where's the snack bar?

(The penguin conductor taps his baton and the penguins play some off-key music. We cut to backstage where a rat is pulling a rope.)

Rat #1: Come on!

Rat #2: What? Okay!

(The sandbag falls onto the rat and we cut to two rats at the control panel with one of them struggling to pull the lever)

Rat #3: Come on, get it! Get it! Get it!

Rat #4: HIT THE LIGHTS!

(The rat struggling with the lever pulls it down and we cut to 6 colored spotlights lighting up as the camera slowly pans down. We cut to the crowd of Muppets getting into the theater as the door opens and the purple curtain rises revealing the set for Papa Pig's house in "The Three Little Pigs".)